I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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