She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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