He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
