i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
