So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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