Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
