my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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