Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
