He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
