Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
