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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I could make treat bags

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• (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us

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• (949): View more from California

  Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!

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• (727): View more from Florida

  "Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.

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