WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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