I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
