return my video game
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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