: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize