Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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