we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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