i don't like sucking hair
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
