You just made me feel so damn special
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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