Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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