Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
