It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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