Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
