you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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