I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
