The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
