I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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