I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
