u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
