Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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