I just pynch a tree in the face
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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