I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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