Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
