he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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