He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Less talking, more tequila
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
