someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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