I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
