Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize