I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
