You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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