Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
