Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
NoShamevember. You game?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
