At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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