I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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