then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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