how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
