Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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