and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
