Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
