Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
