i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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