Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
