Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
