After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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