dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
