dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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