Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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