This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
