you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
