i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
