I'm gonna have a badass scar
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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