She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
