so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
