ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
