shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
