We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
