There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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