this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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