What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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