definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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