fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
