i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
