Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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