took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
