Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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