I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
