maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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