New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
