Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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